Tryg's 3rd birthday

Tryg's applesauce cake. I let Signy to the lettering.

Bria was just as excited as Tryg and wanted to help him open all the gifts. He didn't mind.

night at the museums

Tonight after dinner, Mike dropped me and Signy off at the Science Museum of Minnesota and he took Bria and Tryg to the Children's Museum. He only had about an hour before the museum closed and then he came back to get us.

The Children's Museum has an exhibit about dinosaurs right now, and we made the mistake of telling Bria about it. We thought she'd be excited, but instead she got worried. She was afraid the dinosaurs would be loud. We didn't actually know if any of them would roar, so we couldn't tell her yes or no, and "I don't know" is super hard for her to deal with. So the whole way downtown she was talking about how they were going to be loud, and she didn't want to go, and she didn't even want to walk by the room with the dinosaurs, and they were going to be loud, and she didn't want to go, and over and over and over again. Well, they did not go by the dinosaur room. They just checked out the other rooms. Mike said they did pretty good, but always wanted to play in different areas, so it was a little difficult to keep an eye on both of them.

Signy and I had fun at the Science Museum. We scraped cells from the inside of our cheeks, stained them and looked at them under the microscope. Very cool, but kind of gross. And then we just wandered around. She liked the weather stuff a lot.

I got Tryg's applesauce caked baked and frosted. I had to use a new recipe so I made two cupcakes with some of the batter so we could do a taste test tonight. Mike and Bria really liked it. Tryg wouldn't try it (figures, I hope he likes it tomorrow!). I finally realized that he got the idea for applesauce cake from a Kevin Henkes book. I think it's Owen. Owen carries his blanket around with him everywhere, and one part of the blanket has applesauce cake on it. Sound familiar? I think that's the right story.

Perspective is such a weird thing. Tryg is going to be 3 tomorrow and I still feel like he's a baby. When Signy was this age and had a new, complicated baby sister, I thought she was so old. I swear when she was 3 she had a Harry Potter birthday cake, but I can't find any pictures of it, so maybe we were just thinking about it. Anyway, I treated her like she was so much older and I had such different (and unrealistic) expectations of her. Poor Signy. When I think back to the year she turned 3, I feel so bad for her. Mike and I were a mess taking care of Bria.

45 minutes

Bria was in the 1st grade classroom for 45 minutes today. She went for morning meeting and stayed for Social Studies!

Saturday is Tryg's 3rd birthday. I've been suffering from a stomach ache for about a week, and am not much in the mood for cleaning the house and making cake, but it must be done. He somewhere got the idea for an applesauce cake, so I'm going to try to make one. Bria has swim lessons and Signy has ballet on Saturday, both around noon. My sister and her family, Mike's sister and her family, and my Mom and Dad are coming over for dinner. So between noon and 5:00, I'll be running around like a crazy person.

I hope I can get lots of stuff done tomorrow while the girls are at school.

good days at school, appraisal update

Yesterday Bria went into her regular 1st grade classroom for morning meeting as she usually does, but this time she actually sat with the circle of kids. In the past she's been sitting on a chair close to the group, but not with the group. Her teachers decided it was time to have her join the group. And she did fine! She even played a game of Four Corners with the class. And when it was time to leave and go back to the autism classroom, she wanted to stay! So they are going to try to find more time for her to spend in the regular classroom.

On Tuesday she tried to run from the school, but her aid was right behind her so she didn't get anywhere.

For the last two weeks, she's gotten the reward treat after social skills class. They get graded at the end of each class on how well they listened and participated, and then get a treat for a good score. For a while she wasn't getting the treat. But she's doing better!

She's also been doing well listening and following directions at horse therapy.

We got the appraisal appeal back and the original appraiser and a third party appraiser both said the original value should stick. They said that the properties I provided were a different style and weren't comparable. It's true that the properties I sent were all ramblers, but that's all that had sold in Falcon Heights within their time frame. I feel like you can adjust for style of house and square footage, but you cannot adjust for location, so I don't agree with their appraisal. But there is nothing I can do.

We could take our chances and get a loan somewhere else and get a new appraisal. But then we're out $350 and there is the risk that we get a higher rate and the appraisal still comes back low. Timing seems to be everything. The house down the street has sold but until it's closed we can't use it as a comparable. If we got an appraisal after the closing of that house, we'd get a much different appraisal.

It's not that I think my house is worth a ton more, I just think they undervalued it. Even at the value I think it should be, it would be far from the most expensive house on the block. This whole thing with the housing market has really affected appraisals. They're being cautious and conservative. So I'm a little bitter about it. We do not live beyond our means, we did not buy more house than we could afford, and yet we're suffering because so many people did.

I'm having Mike deal with the loan from here on, because I'm too ticked.

I still think we can make the remodel work, but if anything unexpected comes up, we're going to have to dip into savings and I really don't want to.

friends

Bria's been talking more about making friends and inviting friends to her birthday. But she still doesn't get it. For example, she'll see someone when we're out and introduce herself and then have a pretty one-sided conversation with this person. She'll start talking about a video she's watched, or something like that. You can tell the kids she does this to really don't know what to make of her. The adults usually just seem to think it's funny. But later she'll mention to me that she wants to invite this person that she just met and will probably never see again to her birthday.

Today after swim lessons, Bria was standing in the showers right by the pool and she started talking to a girl next to her in the shower. It was kind of heartbreaking. I could tell Bria was very interested in this girl. She was very animated and happy. She was saying some appropriate things like asking her name and telling her her swimsuit was very pretty. But she was also asking her if she wanted to be friends, and if she wanted to be best buddies. And Bria looked at me and said a few things looking for acceptance. Something like "I'm just making a friend, is that okay?" and I said something lame like "yes, it's good to be friendly." The girl was just kind of looking at Bria, and giving short grunty answers. She really didn't know how to deal with this. Bria had no idea that the girl was uncomfortable. The minute Bria stepped out of the shower, the girl started talking happily to the other girl in the shower, so it wasn't just that she was shy. She could tell Bria was different and she just didn't know what to do.

I'm really happy that she's aware of other people and is starting to think about having friends. She's never really seemed to care. But I'm worried for what the future holds, and it's just kind of sad to see her trying. I can see it's going to take a lot of work. And then I worry that she's going to get taken advantage of.

family time

Signy is invited to her friend E's birthday party tomorrow and she wanted to get some clothes for E's new American Girl doll. That meant a trip to the Mall of America. Bria absolutely did not want to go. She said it would be too loud. But we had no other plans for the day, and Mike and I wished we could just pack up the whole family and do something together, even if it was just going to the MOA. On the weekends it seems like we either split up or sit around the house. So we were feeling sorry for ourselves, thinking of all the normal family things we can't do.

We knew it wasn't worth it to make her go, so Mike stayed home with Bria. Tryg wanted to come along so I let him. He fell asleep in the car on the way there. This was good because he hasn't napped in a week and he needed it, but bad because I'd have to wake him up when we got there and he might be crabby.

It was really crowded! There was a long line just to get in the parking ramp and it took us about 10 minutes to find a parking space. We ended up on the roof of the parking ramp. Never had to go up there before. Tryg was not crabby when I woke him up, but he wanted me to carry him the whole time we were at the mall. He's heavy!

So the mall was crazy busy and the elevators were extremely slow, but we went to the AG store and Signy picked out a present for her friend. I had to get gas on the way home, so I made a slight detour to find a gas station. After I pumped gas, the pump told me I had to go inside to pay. Arrrgh! So I had to unbuckle Tryg and we all had to go in so I could pay. I was fried by this time.

We finally made it home and I had a cup of tea and tried to calm down. Bria had the right idea. The Mall of America is stressful on a busy Saturday. She was smart to stay home.

The rest of the afternoon, Bria had a few meltdowns. She acted like a wild dog (after I told her repeatedly to stop) and bumped Tryg's head, causing him to howl. We had plans to have dinner at Mike's sister's house to celebrate her daughter's birthday, and Bria didn't want to go because, you guessed it, she thought it would be loud. So over and over we had to talk about it. She whined during the short trip over. She freaked out as we parked in the driveway. We made her go in. She tried to find a room in the house away from the other kids. She settled in the basement and did okay. By the time it was time to go home, she wanted to stay.

remodel and appraisal

We really need to add one bedroom to the house. I can't see any of the kids sharing a room. Signy gets up 2 hours before Bria. Bria listens to music all night long, and periodically needs a place to be alone during the day. Right now Tryg is in a storage area that you can't even stand up in. He can probably stay in there for another year or so, but if we're going to have to remodel I'd rather do it sooner and get it done. So we locked in a refinance rate a couple weeks ago and had an appraisal done on the house.

It came in about $20,000 less than we were expecting. So that means $20,000 less to use for the remodel. Most of the comparables were from St. Paul which I think brought down our value. I decided to dispute it, and following their instructions, I provided the mortgage broker with 4 homes that sold in Falcon Heights within the same distance and time frame as the appraiser's comparables. They told me they'd send it to underwriting to check for accuracy and then they'd send it to the third party appraiser and we would hear back within a week. I've been anxiously waiting to hear from them, and today I did, exactly a week later. But all I found out is that I need to provide MLS printouts on the comparables.

What the heck? How do I get MLS printouts of sold homes? I'm not a realtor. They suggested that if I know a realtor I ask them to help me. No, I don't know a realtor. I'm really frustrated. I'm ready to just give up. Obviously it's in their best interest to make this easier for me, so I don't think they're trying to make it harder.

I've been looking around online trying to find a way to do this, but not having much luck. I can find the sold homes and their MLS numbers, but I don't actually know what information is even on an MLS printout. I finally decided to email Edina Realty and see if one of their service reps could help me, but when I hit submit on their contact form, I got an error page. Lovely.

I'm crabby.

caring bridge

I found Bria's Caring Bridge page today. It's interesting to read.

I wonder how long those sit out there. I should figure out a way to print the whole thing out before it disappears.

clouds

On the way home from Fraser today Bria was looking out the window of the van and rambling on and on about the clouds. She wanted to know the usual stuff like what does cloud taste like and could you sit on the cloud while you ate it. Then she asked me "Do kidnappers belong up in the clouds?" No idea where that came from. What an interesting but baffling association.

that guy

Last night I was reading Chester's Way by Kevin Henkes to Bria. I was reading the part about Lily talking backwards, and Bria wanted to know more about that. So I explained to her what talking backwards was. I told her that Bria backwards is Airb. Then she asked me, "How do you say dog backwards?" I told her dog backwards was god. And she said "Hey! that's just like that guy that lives up in the clouds." :)

little peeved

Last night Signy was trying to fall asleep and worrying about this girl S in her class. She has gotten physical with a few girls in Signy's class and is rumored to have written a list of people she wants to kill. Signy says she's seen the list, but I don't think she actually read any of it. One of the girls S tried to choke was Signy's friend E. Today Signy came home saying that S bit a girl and punched another girl in the stomach. It's bizarre. S is new to Signy's school this year, and I don't know what her story is. I feel for her parents because I've been there. BUT, I'm feeling a little annoyed that this school suspended a small-for-her-age first grade girl with autism (Bria) for biting a TA but they have not suspended this 4th grade girl. If something doesn't happen soon, I will be calling the principal.

There isn't much new to update.

School still seems to be going better for Bria. She continues to be worried about noise at school, and sometimes doesn't want to get off the bus at school. But I haven't had any problems getting her on the bus. I have to go on the bus and buckle her seat belt (bus driver can only buckle the seat belt if it's in Bria's IEP and it isn't yet) and she likes that. Because she's worried about the noise, she wants to wear her headphones all the time at school. They are working on that, trying to get her to ask for them just at certain times. She's gone to art with the 1st grade class a few times and she likes that.

Bria's therapist at Fraser gave us a Cool Off Chart to use at home. Let me just say, I hate charts. There are five boxes on it. If Bria makes a calm, safe choice she gets a star. If she makes an unsafe choice she gets an X. She created this chart for us as a way to stop Bria from hitting and kicking when she's upset. Once she gets 3 stars, she's supposed to get a reward like TV time, a treat, or a small toy. We've had the chart for at least 2 weeks and she hasn't gotten a reward yet.

It's not really that's she's been kicking and hitting and making unsafe choices all day. It's just that it's so hard to be aware of good behavior all day long, trying to catch her making a safe choice. If I say "No" to something, and she doesn't freak out and throw something, things just move along. I don't really register that this is one of those good moments that I should reward her for. It's much easier to notice when she's making bad choices. Also, I find myself falling into the trap of saying things like "now stay in bed and you can get a star"." Well, that never works with Bria. I don't know when I'll learn. So I haven't been completely successful implementing the chart. And I will admit that I don't really believe in the chart, so that is part of the problem. I have to work on my attitude about the chart.

Today she was acting like a dog a lot, which drives us crazy. She crawls around on all fours and barks, and sometimes even tries to eat our pants. It's really annoying to us. But it also drives Tryg crazy, so then he gets upset and it's just tons of fun.

Right now, she is laying in bed singing a made-up song. Lately, she is taking forever to fall asleep and staying up way later than I would like her too. Her schedule got messed up during Christmas break and we haven't had any luck getting it changed. I'd like her to fall asleep earlier at night so I can have some down time. But also, because she is staying up later, when I go to wake her up around 8:00 in the morning for school she is still tired and wants to stay in bed. She wants to keep the same routine we had for the other school, which was get dressed and get back in bed until 5 minutes before the bus comes. But I would like her to get up, have something to eat, and color or play for 15 minutes or so before the bus comes. I'll keep working on it.

Tryg has started copying some of Bria's bad behaviors, so we're trying our best to nip those in the bud. When he's upset about something he'll announce "I'm going to hit you!" or "I'm going to throw this!" Or he'll just go ahead and hit you.

Tryg's birthday is in two weeks so I took him (and Signy came along) to the party store today to pick out his plates and napkins. But after looking around, he decided he wanted construction trucks, and there weren't any, so I'll have to order them online. Then we went next door to Half Price Books. Bria has been coloring like crazy lately, and her favorite books to color are not actually coloring books, but just non-fiction books with lots of pictures in them. I think she likes the way the marker feels on the smoother paper compared to the newsprinty feel of coloring books. I ended up finding her a horse book and a book about the universe (she just checked out a book from the school library about the solar system and she loves it.) She was excited about both of them. She didn't want to come along and choose her own books because she thought they might play music in the store. I was relieved that she liked the books I picked.

school update and upcoming workshop

I finally decided that we should bite the bullet and register for the PACE Place/Fraser Family Immersion Workshop. The invoice we got from PACE Place is for Behavioral Therapy/Consultation, so I'm hoping that Wageworks will accept our claim and allow us to use funds (our money!) from our FSA. I've got to figure out babysitting still. Right before I registered I checked with my parents and my sister about babysitting, and I thought we'd be covered. But when I called to register PACE told me they were rescheduling the workshop from January to February, to the dates when my parents will be in Florida. But between Mike's sister Melissa and my sister Tami, I'm hopeful it will all work out.

Bria has had an amazing week at school. She has been in the best mood all week. I can't remember the last time she's had this many good days in a row. Part of her schedule at school every day is partner play. This is structured time to play a game, take turns, practice social sills and have fun. Her teacher P had someone specific in mind for this time, so for the first three days she played games with a boy we'll call Jimbo, and it was going well. Then on Wednesday, Bria had a beautiful interaction with the boy she's been anxious about, J. I guess she was asking him a whole bunch of questions, like what color is your house, etc. So on Thursday, Bria had partner play with J! And that went well, so again today her and J had partner play together. It's so amazing. This is the boy who she was so bothered by and anxious about.

In the morning, she's been going into the regular first grade classroom for morning meeting (a TA goes with her) and that's been going well. Today, she went to art with the first grade class and she apparently really enjoyed that. She's still not comfortable with lunchtime. She eats lunch with her CID class, but they go in the cafeteria, and I think it's just too loud and crazy for her. But they're working on it. All week, her behavior report has been "good." I'm so happy and relieved. I hope it continues!

She's still sleeping in the morning as late as she possibly can. And she hates putting her jacket on while we wait for the bus because she hates the swishing sound it makes. But overall, it has been easier to get her on the bus.

Tonight we ordered pizza for dinner and watched Beauty and the Beast. It was a really good night. Many times when we try to watch family movies, we have to abort because Bria is so anxious about possible scenes and is so vocal about it that no one can enjoy the movie. But tonight she didn't do any of that. It was a really nice change!

first day at new school

I just put Bria on the bus to her new school. Unfortunately, it wasn't the smoothest morning. Even two hours later than her old bus time, it was still hard to get her out of bed. She's still on vacation time. I had to drag her out the door. She said she didn't want to see her new bus driver, so she kept her head down the whole time. But she did walk on by herself.

She's the first one on in the morning and the last one off in the afternoon. Poor girl. I guess that's how they add a new student to a bus route without changing everyone else's schedule. I hope she has a good day! I'm nervous about it, but hopeful.

She said something yesterday that made me laugh. At skills training she's been learning to keep a safe body. When she's frustrated or mad, instead of kicking, or hitting or throwing something, she's supposed to stand straight up and put her arms straight down at her sides. So yesterday, she was mad about something-
Mike: remember safe body, Bria
Bria: No, I can't do that
Mike: why not?
Bria: because I like panicking, a lot!

Obviously, there is work to do. She needs some practice. But I thought it was funny.

Christmas vacation

Wow,it's been a while.

Bria had her last day at Parkview on the 22nd of December. Her special education teacher, teacher's aid, and speech therapist went in together to get her some really nice gifts. One thing they got her was a pink purse that holds a stuffed horse. She held it all through the airport and the entire plane trip to Texas. The security ordeal was a little too much for her, but once we got to our gate, she was fine. The plane ride was a success, she is really very good on plane rides.

We were in Texas for about 6 days and it was very challenging. We stayed at Mike's sister's house with Mike's entire family. There were 23 people and two dogs and a cat in the house. Bria worries a lot about dogs barking. When we walk anywhere in our neighborhood, she tries to plan out the route to avoid homes with dogs. So the dogs were a concern, but since Bria had spent time with one of the dogs before (and really loved him), I figured there would just be a few hard days in the beginning getting used to the dogs, and then she'd be okay. But she never fully adjusted. She actually did really love them and sometimes she would look for them, hug them, and pet them. But most of the time she was worried that the dogs would bark at something, and she couldn't deal with it. Not that they barked a lot. They just barked sporadically enough to bother her.

She was pretty miserable. She wore her headphones downstairs some days, but she could still hear the barking through her headphones so then she started refusing to come downstairs. She just wanted to stay up in our assigned bedroom. She would have eaten her meals up there if we would have let her. She said many times that she wanted to go home.

Well, sitting all day in a bedroom that isn't yours is pretty hard. She watched movies on the portable DVD player, but I imagine that got boring. I know I got bored sitting in that room with her day after day. A few times we left her alone in the bedroom (so we could go to the bathroom, get something to eat, do some laundry, just get out of the room) and she got into stuff she shouldn't have (ornaments on a small Christmas tree). On Christmas Eve, we left her at home with her aunt and uncle so we could go to church, and she stayed in the bedroom closet the whole time. When we got home, she had destroyed the closet and an advent calendar that was hanging in there. Bad enough that we couldn't go to Christmas Eve service together as a family, but to come home to that was a bit too much to take. So then Mike and I were miserable.

It just wasn't a relaxing trip. One of us had to be constantly watching her, which we don't have to do at home. I don't feel like I had much chance to really visit with anybody.

However, we had a family picture taken and Bria did a wonderful job. The only time she got upset and ran from the scene was towards the end when the photographer used the flash. She sat well for the picture of the entire family, and then again for the picture of all the grandchildren. Everybody clapped and cheered at the end of one sitting, and she started crying. And then she was done, and couldn't do anymore. But she surprised me by sitting and even smiling, and I'm proud of her!

I'm trying to figure out why this Christmas was harder for her than the Christmas two years ago when one of the dogs and the cat stayed at Grandmama's house with us. In general, everything seems harder now than it did two years ago, so that's part of it. Mike also thinks that at Grandmama's house, the dog had to stay in the basement. I can't remember if that's true or not, but it seems possible. And towards the end of this visit, when we started putting the dogs in the master bedroom for big chunks of time, Bria was more comfortable coming downstairs.

I was reading on another blog where a mom wrote about Christmas and her child with sensory processing disorder. They had extended family visiting at their house. She wrote how it made sense to have everyone over to their house not only because they have the space, but also because when her son hits sensory overload he has a safe place to go to: his room.

This makes so much sense to me. When I think back to the parties we've had at our house, or just times we've had a lot of cousins over for the day, I realize that Bria always eventually retreats to her room to be by herself. She does need that safe place to go. I don't think she felt she had a safe place in Texas.

On Monday, she starts in the autism classroom at the new school. I'm looking forward to the later start time. That is going to be so much better for her.

trip to IKEA

Bria and I went to IKEA last Saturday night. She'd been talking about wanting to go there, and I'd been wanting to go for a while as well. She was looking forward to riding their escalators and getting a cinnamon roll. So we made a plan. We'd first get her the cinnamon roll, and when she was done, we'd take the escalator upstairs and look around. She wanted to look for the stuffed heart toy which has hearts and legs. She calls it the "norse man."

We took the first escalator up from the parking garage, and when we entered the store, loud holiday music was playing. This was not expected, and she freaked out. She yelled that she didn't like the music and she lay down on the floor, crying that she wanted to go. This was not a choice. I wasn't going to drive all the way there, and turn around and drive home. I tried to take a deep breath, and think about how I was going to switch her around. She had dropped right next to the area with tables and chairs, so there were quite a few people sitting there watching the scene. But really, I've gotten over caring what people think. When she's having a hard time, I just have to figure out how to help her get over it.

After a few minutes, I convinced her that if we walked away from the entrance, the music wouldn't be as loud. I stood in line to get her cinnamon roll and she was still upset, but she stayed close by me and waited. Originally, I was going to have her sit down and eat the roll, but the music was loud by the tables, so I let her walk around the store and eat it. We walked through the check-out lanes and entered the store backwards, to avoid going back to the entrance. By the time we were done shopping, she was calm enough and could walk out the store and hear the music without being upset.

There are lots of things I avoid doing because I'm afraid something like this is going to happen. It's not that I'm worried what other people think. It's just that it's not easy. I have to worry about and anticipate Bria freaking out. I have to figure out how to fix the situation. When it happens time and time again, it's draining. So sometimes it's just not worth it to me, and there are things we just decide not to do.

The shopping was unfortunately a bust that day. They didn't have the one thing I wanted to get. But I did buy a tin of ginger cookies and they're gone already.

random

Bria has had an okay week. The communication log from school still had reports of trying to run away, but no biting or kicking was reported. Since Signy's been gone since Wednesday, Bria has had to ride the bus by herself for two days. She kind of hates riding with Signy in the morning anyway. She's so tired in the morning that she can't even stand to hear Signy's hairbrush going through her hair, and she complains about Signy's coat making a swishing noise. It's all very delicate in the morning. So the mornings on her own have been fine. The first afternoon  by herself she came off the bus smiling and not wearing a coat or hat or mittens or wearing her backpack. It was about 5 degrees outside, if even that! Our nice neighbor girl, J, who has helped Bria on the bus before when Signy's been sick, was carrying all of Bria's stuff! It's like Bria just expects someone to do this for her. What a princess. That was so nice of J! Today, Bria had her coat on and her backpack on, but no headphones. J was carrying the headphones for her.

I'm waiting to hear when they are taking Bria over to Little Canada to tour her new classroom. I'd like to go too since the kids weren't in school yet when we had our meeting. But I'm thinking I should go at a separate time.

Bria and Tryg can be such good buddies. Bria is so excited in the afternoons when Tryg starts waking up from his nap. She usually wants to come along when I go up to get him. And Tryg is always excited to see her. He stands up in his crib and says "I in here Bria!" Bria makes up all these games for them to play and Tryg goes along with most of them. One of them is "car store." But they also have their sibling clashes, fighting over toys, hitting, yelling, etc. Still I think it's been good for Bria to have a younger brother. She's been initiating a lot of social interactions with him.

leg cramps and school meeting

Bria woke up last night crying about leg cramps. This is a pretty common complaint of kids with 22q. I laid in bed with her for a while and rubbed her leg. It seemed to help. I wonder if there is any homeopathic remedy that would help with that.

This morning we had a meeting at the new school. We met the 2-3 teacher, the K-1 teacher (who Bria had this summer), the speech therapist, and the OT. I think we're going to put her in the K-1 room even though Mr. J is in that classroom. It just seems like a better fit. There are 5 boys and 1 girl, and 5 staff members. It's a pretty big room, and they will try to keep her separated from Mr. J when they can. For example, she will go to morning meeting while he's having snack, or vice versa. There are partitions up around each station in the room, so she doesn't necessarily have to see him. But just knowing he's in there is probably going to cause her some worry. They're also going to come up with some social stories we can read to her about seeing Mr. J at school. And we're planning to have her visit the classroom before Christmas break.

Sounds like she'll get lots of opportunities to go into the mainstream classroom, as long as she can tolerate it.

family immersion workshop

PACE Place Fraser Family Immersion Workshop in January

Should I sign up or not? I can't decide. It's so much money. If I register, I will charge it to my FSA card, but I'm pretty sure they'll come back asking for verification of use. Behavioral therapy by a psychologist should be covered, but I'm afraid they're going to consider this parent education and not let me use FSA money to pay for it. UGH. Indecision. I'm so afraid we're going to spend the money and not follow through. Mike is getting a new linear accelerator at work in January and he's going to be working a lot of hours doing acceptance testing and commissioning. He is going to be busy and stressed and tired. More than he already is.

I should probably register and reserve our places anyway. I wonder what the financial penalty is for withdrawing.

some info on the new school

I just talked to the district supervisor about our meeting at Little Canada on Monday. I found out that the boy that Bria is worried about is in the K-1 class and the teacher of that class is P, who Bria had for summer school. I'm going to insist that Bria be placed in the 2-3 class. I think she'll do fine transitioning to the new school if I can tell her that J will not be in her class. They said at the meeting that putting her in the 2-3 class would be fine. Since the instruction is so individualized, the grade levels don't matter so much. Also, in the 2-3 class there is a little girl who Bria was often paired up with during summer school. She is mostly in the mainstream class now, but she occasionally goes into the CID (autism) classroom.

double escort

The phone just rang, 15 minutes after the school day started, and it was the principal. Geez, I thought, how could she be calling me already? Well, not an emergency, she just didn't have time to make all her calls yesterday. But she had to call to tell me that yesterday Bria ran from the school building. That's the first time she's done that. She's run in the building, and she's run while she's outside, but she's never run out of the building before. The principal had brought this up at the IEP meeting as one of her fears. So, to prevent it from happening again, Bria will have a double escort whenever she's walking through the building from one place to the next. Who is this kid?  I can't believe this is Bria.

They've changed the person getting Bria off the bus at school, and think this might be throwing her off. Yes, probably. Especially since every morning as we're waiting for the bus I reassure her by saying "K will get you off the bus, and then you'll go to K's room."  That hasn't happened for the last two days, but I didn't know so I kept saying it.

Eleven days left of school before winter break.

I've been slowly telling her that she's changing schools. I tell her a little bit each day. She realizes now that she's going back to the school she went to in the summer. She says she's going back to summer school. The first time she realized it, she got upset about J, so  I've reassured her, promised her, that J won't be in her room, and I'm going to make sure he isn't. She's also worried about the new bus. She says the driver won't be nice. They do have an incredible bus driver right now. He is so patient and nice. I'm going to have to figure out what to get him for a Christmas present.

regrets

Bria started social skills class at Fraser tonight. On a scale of 1 to 5 (with 5 being a smiley face),  they gave her a 4, but in the comments of the report card they mentioned that she hard a hard time acting appropriately and following the rules, and she kicked and screamed at others. So, good thing she's in social skills class, huh?

She also had a "very challenging" day in school today. Running, being silly, and having a short temper.

Sometimes I wonder what happened.  How did we let her behavior get so bad? How come we didn't start her in behavioral therapy when she was 3 or 4? How come no one told us we should get her in behavioral therapy?  But then I think the reason we didn't seek out any treatment is that her behavior didn't seem to be this bad when she was younger; if it was we would have done something about it. But really I think that we've just made too many accommodations for her, and made our lives revolve around keeping her calm. We've been protecting her from the things in life that are hard for her; noises, crowds, transitions. And now the fits hitting the shan, so to speak.

I don't know. I'm too tired to make any sense right now. It's just hard to figure out the right thing to do, what to push her on, what to make accommodations for. And it's real easy to regret all the choices we've made.

Even it seemed that we had done everything right, at the right time, I would still wonder what else we should have done. Mike saw a young man at Fraser tonight, around 18 years old, talking to his therapist in the waiting room while his Mom was in the back. His conversation was entirely about movies. He knew enough about the rules of conversation to throw in some scripted lines, but he always swung it back to movies. Mike thought "I'll be happy if Bria is that well-behaved at 18." When he told me the story, I thought "Even with tons of intervention, Bria is still going to be perseverating on something when she's 18." But yes, I too, will be thrilled if she's well-behaved. And happy.

bus

It has been so easy to get Bria on the bus in the morning since her new schedule started at school. I just walk her out and she walks on the bus. I worry that when she switches schools in January, it's going to be a struggle again getting her on the bus.

cardiology check-up

Bria went to the cardiologist today for an echocardiogram. Over the years, these appointments have gone from being every 6 months to every 2 years. And since everything looked fine today, we don't have to go back for another two years. Her aortic arch is wide open (a good thing) and her valve stenosis is the same as it was two years ago, it's still there but it hasn't gotten worse. And amazingly, she let them take her blood pressure! It's been like 4 years since she's let anyone, anywhere, take her blood pressure. I'm always amazed that they just back off and neglect to do it, but every time she has started freaking out about it that's what they do. Today the child/family life person (social worker?) came in and distracted her with a noisy book about the Disney princesses. Why do they always think girl=must like princesses? But whatever, it worked. And her blood pressure was fine.

I got an email from Bria's special education teacher that next week Bria's class is going to see Cinderella at the Children's Theatre. She wanted to know how I thought Bria would do. I don't know. Last year she went with her kindergarten class and they said she wanted to stay in the quiet room but did well. Apparently during the Cinderella show, the audience is encouraged to yell and cheer during certain parts of the performance. My guess is that Bria will be get very upset when that happens. So I suppose I'll keep her home. I really wish she could go with her class, but who am I kidding? She spends hardly any time with her class anyway. I think it's weird that I have no communication with Bria's 1st grade teacher at all. She didn't send a note home about the play. But really it's not weird. She doesn't teach Bria or have much contact with her.

appointments

Just stuff I have to remember, especially the to do list.

Nov 30 echocardiogram and cardiology appointment
Dec 1 social skills class starts @ Fraser
Dec 7 8:00 tour Little Canada autism program
Dec 7 10:30 parent meeting about social skills class, okay this might not work with the tour
Dec 14 neuropsychology appointment
Dec 16 IEP meeting
Dec 22 last day before winter break

to do:
dentist to take care of cavity
Prevnar then lab
H1N1 2nd vaccine
neck x-ray

Okay, it doesn't seem so bad when I write it down. I was thinking about it and getting overwhelmed.

new placement

We had the IEP meeting this morning. We walked into a full room and got the printed agenda. One of the first things I noticed on it was "review placement." So we knew it was coming near the end of the meeting. K, Bria's special education teacher and K, her speech therapist, both talked about how well Bria had been doing with the new plan. Everybody has seen some dramatic changes. R, the TA, found a big box and constructed a private room for Bria to go in when she needs some space. Bria has someone with her the entire day. I think it was very smart and kind of R to figure out that Bria needed that private time occasionally.

So after the glowing reports, I wondered how they were going to swing this meeting to placement.

The principal brought up the running off school property and how it makes her extremely nervous and worried for Bria's safety. The only solution is to keep Bria in the courtyard for recess. Unfortunately, it's just Bria and her TA out there, no other kids. Considering that she already has minimal interaction with her peers, this isn't an ideal solution. But it's the only way they see to control the running. So then the discussion was about how little she's in the mainstream classroom, how Parkview isn't set up to provide this level of services, and how her IEP is Federal Setting II: 21-60% special education services. Right now she's getting 100% special education services.

Then we started talking about placement and finding a better, least restrictive, place for her.

We are going to meet with the teachers of the autism program at Little Canada  and tour the classrooms on Dec. 7. There are now 3 classrooms there: K-1, 2-3, and 4-6. She wouldn't necessarily have to go in the K-1 classroom. If 2-3 was a better fit with the teacher and other students, she could go there. There will be a team meeting on Dec. 16 where the decision will be officially made to place her there. And then she would start at Little Canada after Christmas.

We knew this was coming. It's not a surprise really, we just kept hoping it wouldn't have to be. They talked about this being a team decision, and how they can't just place her somewhere else without our agreement. But it was clear that she can't stay there, and there is no other place in the district.

There are pros:
later start time, so she can sleep in a little
individualized instruction
peer interaction
sensory focus
have just Signy at home after school for two hours before Bria gets home, more time to help her with homework and just talk without being interrupted

cons:
not mainstreamed, but then she really isn't t at Parkview right now either
longer bus ride
could be lack of positive role models
could model bad behavior

gotta run make dinner, I'll have more to say

IEP meeting tomorrow

I wasn't worried about our school meeting tomorrow until I got an actual Notice of Team Meeting in the mail today. When we met after the biting and suspension, there was no team meeting and no notice of team meeting. We just met with the principal and the special education teacher. I thought this would be the same. This time it would be to talk about Bria running off of school property. I know they're very worried about her safety, and I figured we needed to meet to discuss how to deal with it.

But on the Notice there were a lot of people listed who are "expected to attend." Included are B (district special education supervisor), J (autism resource specialist), M (district student services supervisor),  N (developmental adaptive phy ed teacher), and speech therapist and occupational therapist.  So obviously this isn't just a meeting to discuss Bria running off of school property. Or maybe it is, and it just requires more people talking about it than I realized. But I don't think so, the Notice says the purpose of the meeting is to review the IEP and revise as needed.

The inclusion of B is what has me most worried I think. I like him, but he hasn't been to any meetings all year. I guess placement is always in the back of my mind, so when I got this notice with B's name on it, that's where my mind went. However, P (teacher in autism program at other school in district) will not be at the meeting, and if we were discussing placement, I think she'd have to be there. So what's going on?

The plan was to give the new IEP and BIP about 5 weeks, and then have a team meeting to discuss the IEP. It's only been 7 school days on the new plan. I know that currently she is out of the regular ed classroom a lot more than she is in it. This was to get her more comfortable with her classroom and more willing to work in there. But she can't stay at this level of services; her IEP only allows for up to 60% of the time to be spent in special education.

Maybe they just don't think they'll ever be able to increase her time in the regular ed classroom? And they know that after 7 days?

Ugh, I guess I just have to wait until tomorrow to find out.

I'm so glad my mom can come and watch Tryg. Originally, the plan was for Tryg to go to Parents Morning Out as usual, and Mike would take the day off so we could both go to the meeting. But Tryg has been sick since Friday night, and can't go to Parents Morning Out. So nice of my mom to come and watch Tryg when he's sick.

intense behavior therapy

When I was at the autism support group meeting this month, one of the parents, as part of her introduction to the group, mentioned that her child was in a mainstream classroom this year after a year (or more?) at Partners in Excellence. So, because I always feel like there is more I should be doing, I went home and googled Partners in Excellence.

They have a year-round autism program, full or half-day, that uses Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and Applied Verbal Behavior (AVB). I just spoke on the phone with someone there, and the children do learn academics, but it's not in a classroom setting. It's one-on-one with a behavioral therapist.

I'm guessing this is mega-bucks. The person on the phone told me that Blue Cross Blue Shield will pay for it, as will the state. We don't have BCBS and I'm guessing income limits would exclude us from the state paying. I'm waiting for a call back to find out if Medica will pay for it.

Yesterday Bria tried running away many times in the school building, and she kicked someone in small group. I think she needs ABA.

Fraser called the other day because they have a spot for Bria in a social skills class. It will be on Tuesday afternoons for an hour and a half with 3-7 other kids, ages 5-7. I think it will be good for her. I hope it will be good for her. Lately, she's been complaining a lot about other kids saying "I don't like the kids."

getting out

We skipped church this morning because the service was being held at Luther Seminary and no nursery would be available. I think I wrote a while back that Bria had been going into worship, but lately it's been back in the nursery. We've bailed on Sunday school too. And Tryg is always in the nursery. So we slept in a little (as much as possible in our house), had a lazy morning and tried to think of something fun to do outside. It's November and the forecast was for 50+ degrees. We decided to go to Fort Snelling State Park and try some geocaching. Mike has a Garmin GPS watch, and the state parks are supposed to have a few GPS to use for free, but I found an application for my iphone, so we used that.

It was pretty fun. We found the first waypoint right after we parked the car. There was a puzzle to do to figure out the coordinates for the next waypoint, so Signy, Mike and I tried to do that while Tryg and Bria sat at a picnic table and had a snack. Little complicated. It looked like the next stop was about a mile away, so Mike decided to take Tryg and Bria on a shorter walk to an island and Signy and I headed to the waypoint. Well, we never found the next clue. I think we answered a question wrong on the puzzle, and had the wrong coordinates. Oh well, we still enjoyed our walk outside. And Mike said Tryg and Bria were excellent on their walk too.

Tryg fell asleep in the car on the way home so we had to put him down for a nap right when we got home, with no lunch. He's been coughing and sounding croupy since Friday night and today he was feverish. So the rest of the day we just stayed home. Tonight while I was downstairs doing laundry and Mike was playing with Tryg, Bria decided to cut her hair. She was working at the table on some "project" and I guess the hair was just too tempting. It's pretty bad. She chopped part of her bangs nearly all the way off, and on both sides, she cut the hair above the ears really short. The sides kind of blend in, but it is noticeable. Nice.

funny conversation

today in the car

Bria: I like backhoes
Tryg: I like backhoes
Bria: No I like backhoes
Tryg: No I like backhoes
Bria: Mom, Tryg is taking my like, I want my like back
Me:  You can both like backhoes, that's okay
Bria: Oh, okay
Tryg: No! that be spicy!

what a day

This morning Tryg and I drove out to St. Louis Park (about 20 miles away?) to order my glasses. The optical store in the health system where Mike works was having an extra sale for employees this week. Usually they get 30% off, and this week it was 40% off, so I wanted to make sure I got the glasses ordered. As we were walking back through a skyway to the parking ramp, Tryg tripped and fell into the corner of the wall. He was really crying, and he had a huge bump on his head with a red dent running through the bump. Fortunately, the skin wasn't split open. He had a perfect stamp of the wall corner. I figured since I was in a clinic building, I'd get some ice for his poor head. There was a family practice clinic right down the hall, so I walked up to their reception and asked for some ice. A nurse came out with an ice pack and towel, but when she looked at his head, she was alarmed and said she thought I should take him downstairs to urgent care. So I did. We took a number and started waiting. By this time, Tryg was acting fine and I just wanted to go home. There were three people in the waiting room wearing masks. So after maybe 45 minutes, I decided we would just bail, but when I told the intake person, they tried desperately to get me to stay. The nurse said she'd put us in a room to wait to avoid the germs and we would be up next. So we stayed. The doctor was really nice, and gave me useful information about closed head injuries. But that was a good hour gone. We went on our way. The original plan was to stop at Trader Joe's on the way home, and I figured we had just enough time to still do that. But then on the way home, not 10 minutes from home, Tryg fell asleep. Wouldn't have been a super big deal, but he hadn't had any lunch yet and I didn't want to put him down for a nap at home without lunch. So I woke him up when we got home and fed him lunch. I put him down around 1:30 and now at 3:00 he still hasn't fallen asleep. I'm going to have to go up and get him in a few minutes. Bummer. Oh well, early bedtime tonight I guess.

When Bria got home at 2:30 I checked her communication log to discover that she had again run off school property today. I checked my voice mail and there were two messages from school concerning this. I was gone most of the morning, and then didn't check the phone in the midst of lunch and the non-nap. So this running away from school for the second time is so dangerous that they want us to come in for a meeting next week. Dang. The new schedule seems to be going so well, other than this running from recess. They are nearly bending over backwards for her, and she is really messing up. I don't see how they can let her stay at this school. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it.

And I haven't even written about the dentist trip yesterday. First, she freaked out in the waiting room. They were playing Stuart Little and she thought the song at the end credits was too dancey, so she took off. I ran after her, with my arms full of our jackets. All these people are helping me with "she went that way." Ugh, how embarrassing. During the exam, she screamed and squirmed and it took two of us to hold her down while the dentist looked in her mouth. They had to use a bite pillow to keep her mouth open, and that made her chapped lips bleed. The dentist discovered one cavity, maybe two. She will go back in about a month and be put under anesthesia in the operating room so they can fill the cavity (maybe use a crown, I think she said), get x-rays (never been done on her), and seal the back teeth. I feel so bad that I didn't bring her here years ago. I kept bringing her to the neighborhood dentist, hoping eventually she'd get used to it and allow them to take x-rays, etc. She was just there a month ago, and they didn't notice this cavity, but they probably didn't get a real good look.

In better news, she started private swim lessons at Foss Swim School last Saturday and really liked it. It's $75 a lesson, so she better like it! She goes back tomorrow and is really looking forward to it. I don't like having to spend that much money, but I really want all my kids to know how to be safe in water.

running

I just spoke to the principal. Bria ran off of school property today during morning recess/break. It started with her running behind a tree and not listening when the TA told her to come back. They're trying to ignore behavior like this, instead of giving it too much attention. So theTA was ignoring her but still keeping an eye on her. Well, Bria just kept running along the fence. The fence borders Hwy 36, and I don't know if she ever got to a part where she was open to the highway. But anyway, it was a huge safety concern. The TA was really nervous. She called the vice principal for assistance. When he came out, the TA had gotten to Bria and they were picking up pine cones on the way back to school. Bria didn't seem to realize that what she had done was dangerous.


I think the running is her reacting to the new plan. She's never been one to run away in parking lots, or other dangerous areas. If she does start getting away from us, and we don't make a big deal about it, she comes back on her own. Though the last time we were at the mall, she did run ahead and go down an escalator before us, and then while we were following her down the escalator, she got off and ran away to the up escalator. But that's really the only time I can remember being worried about her running away.

They've already seen many good results from the new plan, and Bria seems generally happier about school. But from her perspective, she's not in control of the situation anymore.  So for that reason, or who knows what other reason, things might get a little bad before they get better.

Normally when a student runs off school property, a meeting would be called. But they're not going to punish her. We'll read her a social story about staying safe and staying at school. I think it will help.

sisters riding the bus

Bria complains often about riding the bus with Signy, at least on the way to school. I don't think she minds so much on the way home. But on the way to school I think Bria just wants to kind of lay down on her seat and rest the whole way to school in her own world, and Signy is constantly making sure Bria is behaving. So yesterday I told Signy to just let Bria sit by herself and see how she does. Signy was worried that Bria would get up or do something wrong, and she said there are never any open seats so she wouldn't be able to sit next to Bria and make sure she behaves. I said that if there was an open seat to let Bria sit by herself. They walked on the bus, and there weren't two seats next to each other, and Bria wouldn't let Signy sit with her, so Signy started walking to the door of the bus, to ask me what she should do. I told her just find a place to sit, let Bria sit by herself, don't worry about it. She looked a little sad and stressed. I found out after school that the bus ride to school was fine, so I told Signy to do the same thing today. She said she was still worried about Bria getting up or misbehaving. I explained that she shouldn't worry about that, if Bria is misbehaving then the bus driver can deal with it. But Signy said she's so embarrassed by Bria. Poor girl, she loves her sister, but she's starting to feel bad about how Bria acts on the bus and at school, and she wants to try to control her. She'll tell her stories and even lies, to try to get her to do the right (normal) thing. And I don't think she feels bad just for herself and how it reflects on her to have this sister, but I think she feels bad for her sister. She sees how her sister looks to other people. She also mentioned that in school yesterday she saw Bria running away from her teacher.

When Bria was born and we found out she had 22q deletion, I grieved for a lot of things. We had wanted a sibling for Signy, and I grieved that Bria probably couldn't be the sister we had imagined. It still makes me sad sometimes that Signy can't play with her sister like she can play with the 1st grader down the street. I think Signy still struggles with the kind of relationship she has with her sister. Loving her, but being embarrassed by her. Being embarrassed by her, but wanting to protect her.

New schedule

Well, Bria started her new schedule at school today. The note home said that she had an okay day. She wanted to run and did several times, but they also got more work done in a smaller, quieter place.

The district autism consultant (J) was with Bria all day today, to help get the new plan going. She felt that Bria became more comfortable with the new system over the course of the day, and began to reference her plan for upcoming events. Transitions to destinations on the first floor were still a challenge. Bria sat on the floor and refused to move. J thinks Bria's preoccupation with radiators, the open space, distractions and habit are contributing factors. So she thinks that they should avoid going to the first floor for the rest of the week. They want to teach her the system developed to keep her engaged in positive learning activities, and those transitions to the first floor are interfering. I asked J about that tonight when I saw her at the autism parents' support group. She said that means no lunch in the cafeteria, as long as we're okay with that. I agreed.

I just have to say how happy I am with her team this year at Parkview. Everybody is doing all they can to help Bria have a positive experience at school. If this doesn't work, I will honestly feel that they tried everything they could.  I'm so glad we decided to hire the IEP consultant. It was definitely money well spent. She has had so many good ideas; things that Mike and I just wouldn't have realized were missing from the old IEP. And the team at Parkview has been so receptive to her suggestions, they've implemented everything she recommended.

Now the trick is going to be making Bria more independent at school. Hopefully, over the course of weeks? months?, she will have some success at school and stop hating being there. She needs to be in her regular ed classroom at least 40% of the day. I hope we get there.

Friday!

A while ago we checked out a book from the library, One Magical Day, that Bria just loved. She always calls it Magical Winter because on the front it sort of looks like it's snowing. One page has a picture of some foxes that she thinks are really cute. Well, she wanted to get it again from the library (for the 3rd time) but when I checked online the copy at our branch library was checked out. So this past Thursday I requested the first available copy. It should get to our branch library in a couple days. I'm hoping it will actually be there tomorrow because she is perseverating on this book. She's even talking about it at school and they tried looking for it in the school library, but Bria kept calling it Magical Winter, so they didn't really know what they were looking for.  She asks me many, many times a day about the book, so I really hope it's at our library tomorrow.  I would just buy it but neither Border's or Barnes and Noble has it in stock. I think I'll order it for a St. Nicholas Day or Christmas present.

So you can imagine how thrilled we were tonight when we went to Java Train Cafe for dinner, and walked in to find One Magical Day sitting on the kids' bookshelf! Bria was so excited. She picked it up and carried it around with her the whole time we were there. How unlikely and unexpected.

And here is a picture of Tryg with a huge ice cream cone  (oops, what was I thinking?)

and Signy reading a book she brought from home.

While we were hanging out there, I got an email from Bria's special education teacher wondering if they could go ahead and start the new plan on Monday, before we've signed the new IEP and BIP. She also gave me some more details about what Bria's new schedule would be like, and included a social story, A Big Change at School, for us to read to Bria this weekend to prepare her for the new schedule.

Here's what they're going to do:
K, special education teacher, will be getting Bria off the bus every morning instead of TA.
They will go to K's room to start the day.
K will go over Bria's schedule with her so she knows when she gets to do her favorite things, where she will be and who she will be with.
Bria will be pulled a lot more from her regular class, especially in the beginning so she can begin to trust that they aren't sending her in there to do too hard of work.
Her schedule will be in a pattern of okay (tolerated) tasks, then something she doesn't like/too hard, and then something she really likes. The hard/new learning tasks will be short and planned out with her, she will know exactly what they're going to do and will be able to see how much is left and then she gets a very preferred thing (sounds like ABA to me).

So I think it all sounds very good. I hope it works!!

rethink autism

My mom told me about a story she saw on ABC news tonight about a web-based ABA treatment program, rethink autism. It's $100 a month and you get an individualized ABA-based learning plan. They have a free one week trial offer. I'm thinking of registering just to see all the details. I'm afraid I'm too overwhelmed, lazy, and disengaged to actually do the work with Bria. But I wish I would. I dream about sitting Bria down at the table and teaching her things, like how to read, but am scared away by how difficult it would be.

First sibshop

Signy went to her first Sibshop tonight. It's a monthly group for kids who have a sibling with a disability. This Sibshop was supposed to be aimed at kids who have a sibling with autism, but nobody (other than Signy) registered last month, so they opened it up to other disabilities. This month there were two other kids, and it turned out that they both have siblings with autism. Also, interestingly enough, the other girl there tonight is in Bria's first grade class. She has an older brother with autism. Signy enjoyed the time  but I didn't probe too much. She says she wants to go back next time.

While Signy was at Sibshop we went to the mall to ride escalators. One of the stops we always make is Border's. They have a red escalator. While we were there, Bria was looking at a book and got a paper cut. She screamed and screamed. Fortunately, another parent in the children's section had a band-aid for us. (Some parents come prepared like that.) She went on about it for quite a while, maybe 5 minutes, but then calmed down.

We headed to another escalator that we discovered on the way down went right by Santa's workshop. I can't believe Santa is already at the mall! Mike wanted to show me something in the store at the bottom of the escalator, so we went in for a minute. When we turned to leave the store, Bria realized that she'd have to pass Santa to get to the up escalator and she got pretty upset. I was trying to calm her down, but also getting kind of annoyed with her (ha! can you calm someone down when you're annoyed?), when her teacher walked by! So she stopped and talked to us for a little bit. Bria started talking about the heads being cut off. (Have you ever noticed that a lot of store mannequins no longer have heads? Well, Mike created this goofy game when they ride the escalators: they have to escape the people who have their heads cut off. ) I think her teacher was a little alarmed by this. Bria told her teacher she was going to have a good day tomorrow. Poor girl, so much pressure.

We made our way back to the car, catching more escalators on the way. Bria was a little off the rest of the time at the mall. I don't know if it was the paper cut, Santa, or seeing her teacher, but she was no longer a happy girl riding escalators.

We got the new IEP and BIP today. I've read through it. Mike still needs to read through it. Tomorrow I'm going to fax it to the consultant and see what she thinks. I'm a little confused because it looks like her special ed minutes add up to more time than she's actually in school. I must be figuring it wrong. They've added 30 minutes of 1:1 instruction in both math and reading every day. And it looks like they increased her speech from 2 days to 3.

Today in the car she was telling me she hated her school. I asked questions to try to find out what she hates about it. She always says she hates the kids. But today she also said that she hates going to school because it makes her be like Jesse*. He was the boy in her summer school who had behavior problems that Bria ended up copying. So I think she is aware that what she's doing at school is wrong, and I don't think it feels good to her, but she can't deal with it in a better way.

*Jesse is not his real name.

autism workshop

Mike and I attended a free seminar last night about information processing and emotional regulation in kids with social learning disorders. It was presented by Eric Hamblen of PACE Place. He'll be back in January doing a  weekend immersion workshop, and we've been trying to decide if we should go. It's $1,500.00 so it's a big decision to make. We thought if we went to the free seminar tonight we'd get a good feel for Eric and his methods, and be able to decide about the immersion workshop. It would have been an easy decision if we didn't like him or what he had to say, but that wasn't the case. He was an interesting and entertaining speaker, and had lots of good things to say.

What is the number one goal that all parents have for their kids? for them to be happy. In order for someone to be happy, they have to make others happy. They have to contribute to the family.

Not everybody necessarily needs to learn how to do x to be happy. But 10x more academics go into a happy brain (I believe this is Bria's biggest problem at school. She is not happy. )

I guess what I got out of the seminar is that we need how to learn how to be around Bria so that she feels safe and secure. We need to model and teach adaptive strategies for regulation. Now when she doesn't feel safe, she uses maladaptive strategies to control her environment. For example, we get in the car and she announces that she wants music, and she announces which CD she wants to listen to. She is controlling her environment. And to avoid a huge problem, we respond by allowing her to control the environment, which isn't fair to everyone else in the car. I could go on and on about the things we do everyday to minimize Bria's distress at the expense of everyone else in the family.

Another thing that stuck with me was that if we respond to her distress communication then we're reinforcing that the situation is stressful. We should acknowledge her distress without getting in distress ourselves. Hard to do.

So I don't know what we're going to do. I like that Fraser is sponsoring the immersion weekend in January. That gives it some validation in my mind. I also know someone who has done the weekend and found it very helpful. My fear is that we'll spend all this money and not follow through. It's going to take a lot of hard work and consistency. Not our strongest suit. He talked about parents disengaging (for example, letting the child watch a lot of movies for play video games) in response to the frequent dysregulation. And I know we do that. It takes so much.

uggh, I just had to carry Bria on the bus crying, again. As I was running off the bus, before she could get up, she was yelling "I don't like the kids!" She also says often that she doesn't like Signy and she doesn't want Signy sitting next to her. But I like Signy sitting next to her. I don't want to find out what Bria would do if she sat by herself. But I think the bus ride is pretty stressful for Signy. I think she is constantly telling Bria to stop doing things, and that is why Bria hates sitting next to her.

I thought we might be in for trouble this morning when I went to help her get dressed at 6:30. She was already complaining about hating her school and not wanting to go. She wants to go to camp school (ausm summer camp that she loved). I tried helping her think of fun things we could do after school, but it didn't work.

I really need this new plan to be done and implemented. And I really hope it works. I can't take much more of this, and I'm sure the school can't either.